Trees will fail again tonight.

Trees. Lots of them outside my window. I am surrounded. They don't let me feel the loneliness, adding up to my solitude. They are comforting. Winds play rustic tunes with the leaves. These symphonies are the sweet lullabies that this soul is in dire need of. 

I close my eyes. I see you. May be denial is the only way out. May be I can think of something else because your thought makes me miserably weak. Because your thought is the only thing that is left. It is precious. I try to think of something else. Anything but you. 

I think about trivialities. The mundane things - the computer in my office desk needs a software upgrade, I have to call a friend this weekend, the milk in the fridge might have expired today, what will I cook tomorrow for breakfast, I need to pay the rent, this place is so hauntingly beautiful.. 

Mind processes thoughts at the speed of a super computer to the power super computer. All these thoughts zip by in a flash. Moving briskly with the thoughts yet not going anywhere -- I try to stop seeing. I force myself to think not to think. The mind gets confused by this contradiction. 

I pay attention to the lullabies. I try to relax. Cuddled up inside the blanket, I feel like home. I am able to breathe. I become light as a feather, circling around among the trees, flying with the wind, going higher, I can see the whole forest now, I reach the tallest tree, settled in its glory is a sparkling nest, I go inside.. and bang! -- like a crushing wave of emotions you come back. 

Another night will be spent sleepless. Trees will fail again tonight. 

No comments: